Tuesday, October 21, 2003

 
=/ *sigh* right now i just feel like ripping my arms and legs to shreds with something sharp... blah. dont feel good. upset. =/
posted by Jenninator 9:29 PM

Monday, October 20, 2003

 
"my eyes burn" - matchbook romance
my eyes burn from these tears
you think id learn over these years
good things wont last forever..
so what the hell am i supposed to do?
you only wanted the things
i couldnt give to you..
and you had it all anyway..
so take, take everything
and leave me scrambling
reaching for something that wasnt there
in the first place..
tell me im wrong when i say
that i cant expect you to spend forever
with me..
i live for that single moment
so take, take everything
and leave me scrambling
reaching for something that wasnt there
in the first place..
i take back everything i said..
you wore those words on your lips
as if they meant anything anyway
sometimes i feel i could drop off the face of the earth
it seems i do more harm than good..
i dont know if its worth
me losing sleep over this..
so take, take everything
and leave me scrambling
reaching for something that wasnt there
in the first place..

i dont really know what to be thinking right now. im lonely. EXTREMELY lonely. its really bad. i hate it. but at the same time, i feel like im not looking into the choices i have right now. but they just dont seem as appealing to me right now.. i dont know. im confused. phillip is being weird.. like, ionos. i miss jo a lot. she was gone all weekend. that was hard. tina has jamie. the people that i would consider pursuing dont want me. keanan's creeping me out. chris doesnt have a gf anymore, which causes a jumble of odd emotions.. he apparently has been "trying to talk to me" and crap.. but i dont understand that, since i havent gotten a phone call or an email or anything in weeks. he didnt even have the sense to leave me a message on yahoo until i decided to leave him one saying "uhhmm.. yeh... just thought id say hi." the other day.. i dont think i should have to email him or message him to keep our friendship going, esp. when he's the one who's busy & has no time, not me.. bllaaahh he just confused me and im still a little hurt/annoyed over it i guess. YES, CHRIS, YOU ACTUALLY HURT ME. i sat there, starting to have feelings again.. and then "hey! i have a gf!" oh isnt that exciting? thats okay though, because it didnt hurt as badly as i expected it. and maybe jo was right. if that happened, it obviously wasnt meant to be. but thats okay, because i can live with that. i just would like to have a friendship again, rather than a relationship that happens only when its convenient. whew, i admitted that. impressive, huh? and then trinity is just totally turning into stan... i mean, i walked into coffee on saturday with tina & said hi to all of them.. and i SPECIFICALLY said hi to trinity, & he didnt say anything. he hardly talked to me/looked at me during the time i was there.... *sigh* i really love the boy, too. hes such a great guy.. when stan isnt around. he really just takes on a different personality towards me when stan's around. i dont understand if its just because stan is his best friend, and he has to act like he dislikes me, like stan does, or just that hes too preoccupied with stan to care about anyone else.. but that doesnt seem to be the case becaues he talks to everyone else.. and it just feels like he ignores me. oh well.
posted by Jenninator 9:04 PM